Sign Language

MP during a phone conversation.
"Everybody has a good time with me.  I mean unless they are deaf and blind.  Even then I bet I could sign something to get them laughing."

Lord.

Dear whichever cook put the pube in MoonPig's omelet,

Way to go buddy.  You ruined her entire day, and made my Monday much more enjoyable.

xoxo,

Weird Office Girl

Friday

while she is eating cookies...

MP: You know what they say, a cookie a day...

Me: makes you fat?

Great Danes

MP: Great Danes are very intelligent. You know what they were bred for, right?

Me: Playing Chess?

back

• Me: wow this 108 year old survived the Holocaust
• MP: the Holocaust is...what is it...with that guy...
• Me: Germany, Jews, Hitler.
• MP: are they done?

fuck.

listening to MP talk about politics makes me want to stab myself in the face.

Back in Black

I tried being a good girl. I really wanted to do build up some good karma. But this bitch right here. UGH. I love hearing from everyone how she has been calling me a bitch for the past two weeks that I have been trying to be nice. Being nice honestly gets you nowhere.

Mp vs grammar

Boss Man: " did you find out blah blah blah about such and such"

MP: "nope, he don't got one."

Boss Man: "he doesn't have one."

hahahahahahahaha. Even my boss gets in on it.

MP Vacation planning

on phone: "can you give me prices on your carriage rides?"

I wouldn't let her anywhere near a carriage unless she was pulling it.

MP @ the Dr.

A: "what is she doing at the doctor? are they trying to find her brain?"

Myself: "no, she is having trouble swallowing. it is really ruining her social life."

laugh

I want to describe her laugh better. Here goes. "Hooohooooheeeheeehaaaahaaaahoooooooooocackle"

omg

she gave herself a headache as well from talking too loud.

she just left the office to flirt with the guy who is selling her a trailer. he called her beautiful on the phone. Her response, "How do you know I'm beautiful, I could be some old hag." Poor guy. She is a hag.

nutrition

we hired a nutritionist. I love how professional it looked when she came in to sign her paperwork. MP spent the entire time laughing like a hyena and talking on the phone about ordering a trailer.

convo

today I have heard all about someone dying while fishing, transmissions and her discussing someone else's insurance with someone who works for an insurance company. I have a headache.

typical

Real quote, "That's typical Hispanic lifestyle. I know. "

I seriously doubt it.

update.

One of MP's "friends" died. It is in quotation marks because I have been hearing her laugh about it now for two days. If you are wondering what it sounds like, think deep throated Woody Woodpecker laugh. I am not kidding. It is so annoying.

meh

Heaven forbid you need to do something to your meal plan while MoonPig is on the phone

anonymous MP tips

DC: "you probably can't tell right now because your senses are numb, but pay attention tomorrow when you or her first gets there..you'll get a subtle whiff of moth balls and stale underwear...thats her. i have noticed it everytime i have ever been around her"

thank you caller.

LunchPig

MP's lunch schedule today.

11:30 leave for lunch. Saltgrass. Really surprised it isn't massive amounts of Mexican food like normal. she must be watching her girlish figure.

12:15 Return with lunch. Start eating while working at the same time. GROSS.

12:55 Finally stops throwing food at her face. Sucks on fingers for last time. woof.